Don't Question Your Abilities
I've thought long and hard about my new blog. I wanted it to be strong and give as much advice as possible, but I'm having a hard time. So, maybe this will help, maybe not. But I sure hope so.
You there! Yes! You playing the violin! Have you ever been told that you are terrible? Been taught incorrectly? Do you struggle with confidence in and away from your playing?
Been there, done that! I used to practice upwards to 9 hours a day and I never thought that I was getting any better. My confidence in my playing was low but I put a mask of higher self-esteem on and went with it. "Fake it till you make it," right? Yep. That's what I did.
I would see others hardly practice and get so much more than me, musically. Yet, I stayed in that practice room until my fingers and neck bled. I often questioned if it was helping or hurting. Then I questioned my abilities.
Some teachers would claim that I needed to work smarter, not harder. But you see, I really felt I needed that much practice and no one told me otherwise, so I kept at it.
My passion for other genres grew, while my love for classical music declined. (I'll always want to perform "Carmina Burana",) but I felt that I was losing myself-losing my personal voice in music.
The thousands of written notes were drowning me and I had to sink or swim. I began to limit myself every time I saw one of my teachers play perfectly in a concert. I would negatively tell myself that I would never be able to play like that.
In the midst of my confusion and thinking that I was losing my voice--I started to realize that I wasn't ever going to be my teachers, Mozart, or Hillary Hahn....I'm me. Took me till my senior year of college-but at least I realized it. Then everything was made clear to me.
I'm a musician. Not a classical violinist, a fiddler, a songwriter, a composer, a performer, a guitarist----I am a musician.
Just like we do on a daily basis, we separate ourselves by genre or the instrument we play. Why? Does that really matter? NO!
We play music. Music isn't bias on who it takes in. Why should we?
We each have own individual voice in music-we just have to find it.
Yes, those thousands of hours of practice paid off. I don't regret them and if I could, I'd practice the same today.
So be you. Be the best you, you can possibly be!
Work hard. Practice hard. Enjoy the struggle!
Fiddle on my friends!